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A Life in Plastic Baggies

~ Travel adventure & absurdity

A Life in Plastic Baggies

Category Archives: Boarding Blunders

Catch-up Vignettes II

01 Saturday Nov 2014

Posted by alifeinplasticbaggies in Boarding Blunders

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Oy, what rock did you come from under?

I’ve traveled quite a bit in the past couple of months but I’m behind on posting…luckily no disasters to report. Here are some highlights from September/October travel. Two trips coming up in November (including one over Thanksgiving with a baby)–get excited!

Nashville Broadway

My first trip to Nashville was fabulous – will absolutely be back

Recap 1: BNA // MSP

On the heels of my last trip, I was off to Nashville for a Junior League conference. After three intense days, my friend and League President Elect, Jen, and I were headed home on one of the earliest flights available Sunday morning. The weather was perfect, the skies were clear…and two flights were canceled. Luckily, neither was ours. Unluckily, all the cranky and panicked passengers trying to rebook kept coming to our check-in counter trying to get our flight rep to help them (rather than stand in the long line they were supposed to be in)…and she kept giving in.

Despite her repeated pleadings over the PA system that she needed to board our flight before she could help others, they just kept piling up…and she kept helping them. It was infuriating when it was five minutes before we were supposed to depart and she was still elbows-deep in the rebooking system. It was pretty funny, however, to watch all the passive-aggressive Minnesotans quietly queue up and then loudly sigh and stare at the hapless desk agent (self included).

SFO take-off

Taking off from SFO

Recap 2: MSP // SFO

Mid-October I went to San Francisco for one of the largest conferences I’ve ever attended. With over 140k in attendees, it is the stuff of my agoraphobic nightmares. The entire city is overrun and you’ll wish you had a BA in Logistics and Crisis Management. Or some really good anxiety meds.

With a lot riding on my attendance from an execution standpoint (the meticulously crafted Master Details binder wasn’t going to get there on its own, you know?), I needed the flight schedule to run flawlessly. Happily, my flight out was exactly on time…and filled with everyone from Minneapolis going to the conference.

If there’s one thing I get sick of hearing when I get on a plane, it’s “I’m so glad you’re sitting next to me!” This comment is not as lascivious as it sounds; rather, it’s almost always said by very large men who are thrilled I (presumably) won’t be using all of my seat…or any of my arm rest. It was a long flight out.

Home again, I’m here for another couple of weeks before it’s back to California and then out east for Thanksgiving. Stay tuned!

At your service

03 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by alifeinplasticbaggies in Boarding Blunders, Mingling with the Masses

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Delta, Mistaken identity

Trip type: Business

Airline: Delta

Route: MSP-ORD

Navy Pier Chicago

The ferris wheel at Navy Pier

For this story, we won’t even need to leave the gate. Headed to Chicago for a conference, I was ever so impatiently lurking around the gate while the (late-to-arrive) plane was emptying out. (This is my usual MO for boarding an aircraft because I don’t enjoy leaving anything to chance–such as whether or not there will be overhead bin space. Even though I board right away, I like to control the uncontrollable. It’s part of my charm.)

At any rate, lurking as I was, I didn’t realize just how close I had ventured to the gate area until an elderly couple got off and came up to me asking where the C Concourse was located. I pointed them in the right direction and commended myself on living up to the “Minnesota Nice” hype. I figured it was just a one-off until a middle-aged woman approached me and asked if I could get her a driver to take her to baggage claim because she had a foot injury. I told her to ask one of the nearby agents in a red vest as those are the Delta concierge staff. She thanked me and headed off toward a guy with a walkie-talkie.

Now I was a little flustered and looked up to see a man catch my eye. He laughed and said, “You’re under a monitor and these people seem to think you work for Delta.” At first I just chuckled politely because I think it’s pretty clear I wasn’t working for Delta (what with my luggage and phone and all…and no, I had left my red vest at home that day), but then he pointed above my head and I realized I was standing underneath the monitor that’s at each gate with the connecting flight information and recalled that they usually make an announcement when you pull into the gate that there will be an agent by the information screen to help. Apparently I was now that agent.

While profusely blushing, I muttered a “Thanks” to the man and stealthily scooted back a few feet. I really hope everyone else on that flight figured out where they were going…

Catch-Up Vignettes

24 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by alifeinplasticbaggies in Baby on board, Boarding Blunders, Un-fun Up in the Air

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all out disasters

Someone asked me the other day if the travel blog was going away since I haven’t updated it in a while. Have no fear; the domain is paid up and the travel adventures continue!

That said, I have been remiss in posting. So allow me to catch you up on my spring travel. Our vignettes’ theme is, as always, chaos.

Recap 1: MSP // BDL

For H’s second excursion by air, we were off to Connecticut for Passover. We hoped for a repeat of his stellar performance to and from LA in November but it was not to be. Unbeknownst to us, H was on his way not just to the East Coast, but to developing a double ear infection as well. It was as fun as it sounds.

Recap 2: MSP // SNA (by way of PHX)

Tickets to John Wayne (one of the loveliest airports in the country) were absurd so I was forced to connect through Phoenix. On US Air. I was pretty stabby by the end of this one.

Clearly I try to only ever fly Delta to keep all my status consolidated, but if I must fly someone else, I try to ensure it’s not someone that’s in the process of being acquired. Unfortunately, the fare could not be beat so US Air it was.

The flight to PHX wasn’t terrible except that I was fighting a terrible virus (thanks to living with a host monkey) and was just starting to slightly recover. Although we stopped in Phoenix, I was continuing on the same plane and we were set to depart 35 minutes later. I got off to stretch my legs and was unpleasantly surprised to find the cattle call that was the US Air gate area. Every flight was taking off within 10 minutes of each other, there were people everywhere, and the staff clearly was over. it. Magical.

Usually a boarding vulture, with my bags already on board, I was free to hang out and watch the chaos of the boarding process. I don’t know what was going on with my flight but everyone was a hot mess. People had no idea what they were doing; there were SO MANY tiny dogs in little bags; carry-on bags were absurdly large and over packed…this was the gate where they would film a reality show where people scream at the desk attendants because their flight is late.

I was so close to death’s (and sanity’s) door by the time I got to California that I booked a direct one-way ticket home on Delta instead of connecting back through Phoenix. At least this story has a happy ending.

The lovely Gateway Arch

The lovely Gateway Arch

Recap 3: STL // MSP

Away for a Junior League conference, I was on the plane bright and early to get home on a Sunday morning.

And this is literally the only thing I can remember about this flight so it must have been the best flight of my life!

Currently writing this post from somewhere over the Plains as I’m en route to California once again. A longer post will be coming to recap this one…LA-bound flights always have the most interesting clientele and the woman wearing leopard-print cat ears is just the beginning.

A Sense of Entitlement

30 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by alifeinplasticbaggies in Boarding Blunders

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Delta, hall monitoring

Trip type: Personal

Airline: Delta

Route: MSP-MSY

Flying, I’ve found, is nothing but a very complex game. And, as a textbook firstborn, I prefer to play games I can master–and win. Alas, where there is always a ladder to a faster, better way around things, there is also a chute that will slow your progress completely.

Also much like a game, there’s always a way to cheat. Some cheat moves are fairer than others (like cutting the security line with a status card), some are all right when necessary (jostling seats to accommodate a family that has been separated), and some are reprehensible. Like boarding outside your zone.

For those of us that spend a fair amount of time flying, the little perks accumulated that allow for sanctioned cheats start to mean everything. Especially early boarding (which in this super fun metaphor, would be a ladder). So when someone tries to get around this rule, whether by cunning or stupidity, I get stabby.

Jackson Square, New Orleans

Hola, NoLa!

On my way to New Orleans last week (E had a conference and I decided to tag along and get in some shopping and eating in a new city), there was just such an example.

As with most of the flights I’m on, the flight to New Orleans was delayed. I find that this fact seems to up the quotient of people (especially those with status) not only cheating at boarding, but feeling completely justified in doing so. As if their ‘time served’ in the boarding area entitles them to board whenever the F they feel like it. What’s even more annoying than this fact is that they usually get away with it. There’s nothing more a dedicated rule-follower loathes than someone who breaks the rules without consequence. It’s hard being so virtuous.

But I digress. Back to C25. A half hour late, we began boarding. I had been “vulturing”, as E and I have coined it, on the boarding lane since it became clear that Lenny, the gate agent, would be moving us all through as fast as possible. After pre-boarding some delightful old Russian ladies, he called for First Class and all of the vultures took an unconscious step forward.

I had noticed a pair of Diamond fliers off to the right of the boarding lane since I’d started my hover and now I saw that they were inching closer to the scanner, presumably to sneak on with the First Class cabin. As noted, I see this happen all the time. Should I be so worked up about it? Probably not. But it’s the principle of the thing.

Stanley, Jackson Square, New Orleans

Eggs Benedict with fried oysters? Sure, why not?

Luckily, much like Roger from the other week, Lenny was ON. IT. As they shiftily sidled up to the scanner, Lenny asked them if they were First Class. When they admitted they weren’t, he asked them to slide down the chute and wait for the Sky Priority Zone to be called. After they only shuffled a step back, he asked them to remove themselves all the way off the boarding carpet. I chipped in by giving them the Stink Eye to let them know their hijinks hadn’t gone unnoticed. It was awesome.

Although I realize the Lennys of the world are few and far between, it was a nice win for the Rule Followers and the perfect start to a long weekend of shopping, eating, and Jazz Fest-ing.

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