Monthly Archives: March 2012

Dr. Goodall, Reporting for Duty

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Seatmate Shenanigans

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Trip type: Personal

Airline: Delta

Route: BOS-MSP

I am nothing if not a serious observer of my surroundings (sidebar: my parents used to call me The Hall Monitor of Life because of my intense scrutiny and cataloging of those around me). I am completely fascinated (and sometimes horrified/annoyed) at how people react when their options are limited. Clearly, an airport is an amazing place to observe human nature…everyone is captive and forced to make due with the resources at hand.

On my flight home from a whirlwind weekend with my college girlfriends in Boston, my interest was piqued by my neighbor, a young woman who had the center seat to my left. She got on the plane very late, but came from the back of it, as though she had gotten all the way down the center aisle only to realize she was sitting in 10E and not 30E.

I didn’t think much of her at first (although I was really amused by her actually reading the safety card. I do usually glance at the emergency door if I’m in an exit row so that I won’t embarrass myself if I actually have to save lives, but I can’t recall the last time I’ve looked at the actual overview. I mentally applauded her effort.) and swiftly partook in my usual pre-takeoff nap. Once awakened by the 10,000 foot bell going off, I took out my iPad and fired it up. My neighbor took out her laptop and started it up as well and this was where things got more interesting–at least from an anthropological perspective.

As you can probably tell (from my last post alone), I’m over-prepared for every occasion. (I even have two sets of headphones in my carry-on in case one gets misplaced. God forbid I can’t hear Jack Donaghy.) So you can imagine my fascination when my seat mate (let’s just call her SM), pretty much had nothing with her for entertainment–not a magazine, an iPod, an abacus…nothing.

SM logged onto the plane’s WiFi but didn’t want to buy GoGo from Delta, so she just perused the sites advertising on delta.com. After looking at every Guess item on gilt.com (I’m not that nosy–this took over an hour…very methodical), she gave up on the computer and shut it down. SM then moved on to the Delta magazine, flipping through it in an agitated manner a few times. She then went back to the emergency exit overview before remembering she had her phone with her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a smartphone, so it was rendered useless pretty quickly.

At this point I was almost giddy as I awaited her next move (“Is this what Jane Goodall felt like with her binoculars?” I asked myself). Unfortunately, it was to nap for the duration of the flight so that was rather anticlimactic. I’m sure Jane could empathize.

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It’s in the Bag(gie)

18 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by in Fun with Security

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Believe it or not, a couple people have actually asked me what’s in my plastic baggie. So here’s an exciting post about it!

BaggieHere’s a typical Business Trip Baggie (see Tip #4 below). As you can see, it’s pretty much packed to the brim. In case you haven’t yet gleaned from this blog, I am a little bit what they call “high maintenance.”

What’s in the baggie:

Deconstructed baggie.

Liquid necessities:

  • Fekkai Color Care shampoo and conditioner. I spend way too much on hair coloring (right, E??) to use hotel shampoo. Plus, some hotels don’t give you conditioner (and if they do, it’s never adequate) so I plan ahead.
  • Mousse. As you can tell, haircare is very important to me. I also have a pomade sort of deal which is technically a gel but it’s too big for the baggie, so…
  • Toothpaste (I usually stow one away as well (rule breaker!)).
  • Makeup (in the top pic I had the mascara in the bag but by the time I took picture #2, I had removed it. Technically TSA says it’s a liquid but I’m usually playing with fire on how much the Ziploc will hold before coming apart at the seams, so I tend to put this in my makeup bag instead. Hasn’t been an issue yet.)
  • Body wash. See first bullet on hotel inadequacies.
  • Face and body moisturizer. All that crap you read about flying being hard on the skin is unfortunately true. And hotels often have really hard water.
  • Two kinds of face wash (one is a backup. I’m petrified of running out of face wash and having to use soap.).
  • Lip gloss (this is what I call a decoy. Like most women, I have lipstick/gloss/chapstick everywhere in every bag, so I put the decoy here to account for all of them.).
  • Perfume. I also carry a solid perfume, but this is a great way to use up department store samples and they hardly take up any space.

Top tips for baggie packing:

  1. Lay items sideways. Standing little bottles upright wastes space.
  2. Pack from largest to smallest. These new-fangled Ziploc baggies are bigger at the bottom.
  3. Alternate the direction of your items. Most of my liquids are in a triangle shape; by alternating their caps and seams, I can get more in.
  4. Every trip is different; plan accordingly. For example, when I fly with E, I make him take extra liquids for me. When I’m going for work to Atlanta, I always stay at a Hyatt which means that they stock the room with toothpaste so I don’t have to give up precious baggie space for it (although I always pack one toothpaste in case I get stuck at the airport in some kind of never-ending delay situation. Scuzzy teeth are the worst.).
  5. Medical liquids can go in a separate baggie (yes, two baggies!).
  6. Do your best. I have never had to rip my bag apart for an elusive liquid. I’m not saying to not follow the rules (believe me, I’m nothing if not a rule-follower), but TSA should be looking out for guns and nun-chucks and whatnot, not my mis-packed mascara. And I think they mostly are. So pack a baggie as best you can and if you need an extra toothpaste and put it in some other bag, the worst case scenario is that they’ll confiscate it. Put your expensive liquids in the baggie and roll the dice on the rest. Since you’re now at the airport, you can probably replace whatever you need. Unless you’re in Tehran. But then you probably have more problems than this blog can solve.

If this seems overly complicated, it is. Over-thinking to this extent is surely causing some sort of mental malfunction in a brain synapse somewhere. I would just always prefer to carry-on than check. I haven’t checked a bag in years. In fact, E and I have taken several two-week European vacations with four carry-ons between us. Insane? Mayhaps. But worth it in my book.

Happy flying!

Back of the Bus

09 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by in It's not always so bad

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Trip type: Business

Airline: Delta

Route: ATL-MSP

Do you remember riding the bus to school in grade school where the back of the bus was always the place to be because it was where all the rowdy fun was? This appears to still be the case, even on a flying bus.

Due to a trip reschedule and in an attempt to avoid over $500 in change fees, I was scheduled to fly home on the last flight to MSP for the night at 9:55pm. Aside from the fact that I like to be in bed and asleep by 9:55pm, there’s nothing like knowing it’s your last chance of the night to get home to amp up the anxiety.

Luckily, one of the few perks of flying with status on Delta is a complimentary same-day confirmation onto a different flight. The only catch is that you can’t do it until the three-hour window of your desired flight time. So, since I wanted to get on the 7:40pm flight, I had to wait until 4:40 to call. After dialing in at 4:38 (from the highway in Atlanta traffic no less–do not recommend unless you have your SkyMiles number memorized), I was confirmed on the 7:40 by 4:42. Whee!

The downside to all this, of course, is that you take the seat that’s available. Although the Delta rep was able to get me a window, I was in row 37 of 40 on the narrowest plane in Delta’s fleet.

Once aboard, I realized that although I was in the basement of the airplane, I was in excellent company as it quickly occurred to me that everyone around me was in the same situation as I. There was the pair of already-inebriated women two rows behind me (henceforth known as the Drunken Duo) who had been standing by for the last two MSP-bound flights, the guy next to me who had formerly been scheduled on the 8:30 flight, and the entire row across from us of surly Diamond-level fliers who were just as annoyed as I was that we were in the back (one of whom offered to buy me a drink if I took his middle seat. Fat chance, buck-o).

There’s something strange about flying that builds an instant camaraderie between people (or animosity, depending on the situation) and it wasn’t long before we were all doing that annoying frequent flyer thing (which I’m sure is unbearably annoying to non-frequent flyers) of swapping travel nightmare stories and discussing how to get more miles accrued. By the time the drink cart came through, it was pretty damn jovial in the back of the bus and, after sharing a laugh at the fact that we all had comp drink cards, there was some across-the-aisle cheers-ing.

To boot, we got in early and E and Bells were already waiting for me at baggage.

Sometimes, it really isn’t all that bad after all.

Sunday Fliers

05 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by in Sunday Fliers

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Trip type: Business

Airline: Delta

Route: MSP-ATL

The expression “Sunday Driver“* kept popping into my head on last night’s flight to Atlanta. Granted, I’m perpetually in a hurry (in life) so any slowness makes me batty but last night was so ridiculous that I was convinced there was some sick twist on a flash mob happening all around me…except it didn’t have music or dance moves…just people moving slowly and stupidly. To summarize:

  1. The guy checking status cards where you jump the line at Checkpoint Two cheerfully asked, “Headed home?” No, thanks for reminding me.
  2. I was behind a woman in line for the full-body scanner who would not get out of the damn thing. TSA agent: “Ok, ma’am, you can step out.” “Are you sure? I don’t think it went.” He finally radioed up for them to scan her again just to get her out of it.
  3. All the remaining southeast-bound flights for the night were in one clump together at the end of the G Concourse. I’m sure this sounds good on paper somewhere, but in practice, I’m giving it an F. If you are not familiar with MSP’s G Concourse, at the end of it are gates 18-22, all on top of each other. And every single one was being used. It was like a refugee zone filled with people going to Florida.
  4. Everyone and her mother wanted to talk to me including in line at Starbuck’s where a 12 year-old struck up conversation by asking me, straight-faced, if I “come here often.”
  5. And then, of course, the inevitable flight delay is announced. It was only for 20 minutes but in a waiting area of Sunday Fliers, havoc broke out immediately with everyone lining up at the counter to demand information and recompense for their mental anguish.
  6. Although I lost the Battle of Elbow (honestly, I forfeited; the poor guy’s knees came right up to the seat in front of him), the flight was pretty uneventful. And then we landed and I counted three–THREE–people (and remember, these are just those I could see) who put their coats on in the aisle. In the freaking aisle. Because there aren’t 50 people behind you waiting to get the frack off this plane. No, no, take your time! I just want YOU to be comfortable on the walk up the jetway which is apparently through Siberia.

Arg. I’d also like to mention that we got in at 10:45pm. I think this explains (and justifies!) most of my irrational anger.

* One last note on Sunday drivers…they too were out in force! I almost got front-ended (can this happen?) at the toll booth on the Georgia 400 where someone realized he didn’t have exact change and had to switch to a lane with a cashier…oy gevalt.